Why ‘calm’ is so difficult right now.
I think one of the hardest things right now is to sit with your self for an extended amount of time and feel complete comfort or calm — Without your mind wandering to the grocery list of daily tasks you’ve assigned yourself this morning to keep yourself preoccupied; without thinking of the current state of the world; without your significant other coming over and asking you, ‘What’s wrong?’ while your cat attacks your leg; without putting it off because it’s simply that much easier to ignore than to endure. Especially in times like these now; A time where the notion of post-apocalyptic zombies roaming the streets like in World War Z or Resident Evil still seems ridiculous, but maybe not as incomprehensible as it once used to be…Rather, the premise behind these stories — the virus created, inhibited and dispersed by mankind without an understanding of its longevity or how to cure it…How to cure the aftermath and turmoil of it…is very much a part of our reality.
Everything is bipolar; So much has changed, yet nothing at the same time, not much that you can vividly see directly in front of you. Sure, there are some things — frequent mask wearing, social distancing, concerned faces that maybe never used to be as concerned as they are now when you awkwardly side-step them on the sidewalk (2 meters distance, lest we forget) — But the real consequences are not so visible to the eye, in layman’s terms. We feel more — More than we maybe ever had to or gave ourselves permission to…Through isolation, confusion, anguish and general unknowing. We feel things that maybe we’ve never felt before — and without a clear remedy, it becomes that much more excruciating. Adopting a house plant, becoming a baking aficionado or ensuring you get in your daily 10,000 steps from a walk in the woods won’t cure all, despite what marketing tactics and ‘experts’ tell you. Sure, they’ll help — and in some way, these hobbies and new rituals may even allow you to gain more insight into who you are, in a way you’ve never felt you had the time to do before this mess we’re in started. But similar to wartime, we’re experiencing a moment that is incredibly life-changing and unparalleled…and the change itself is too rapid, too transmorphic to keep up with it at all times and try to remedy it. The hardest thing is to let go and allow yourself to experience what is happening to you, especially when it feels scary, foreign and uncontrollable — During a riptide, the expert advice is not to frantically swim against it — All limbs flailing about in distress and panic — But rather, to stay calm, steady your breathing and move with the waves until you come to a breaking point where you can move across them to slowly shift yourself out and back to the shoreline.
Right now, we need to let go and let ourselves experience what is happening to us — Without trying to define it, fully understand it or justify it…And that’s where it becomes the scariest, but it’s something we must do. Contrary to belief, we’ll experience more distress and excruciation through trying to do any of that…and unsurprisingly, deep down we know it. So many of us have already gone through the motions of trying to define/comprehend/justify what, how and why we’re feeling a certain way and what has it done, apart from create more fractures and questions in our lives? It’s strengthened us but also stretched us so thin…What we need now, more than ever, is to allow ourselves to feel anything that graces us and instead of trying to fight or make sense of it — Just allow ourselves to feel. Give yourself permission to just feel, without deep meaning or understanding. Granted, it won’t be pretty and there may be some ugly tears involved (I know in my case it will wind up looking more like Rylan circa 2012 X Factor — If you don’t know, Google it), but by allowing yourself to open up in that way and express whatever it is your mind, body and spirit are telling you you need to without labelling or guarding it — You actually (ironically) wind up gaining more peace and understanding within yourself…and in turn, you become more comfortable within yourself and with your self.
